Now that I'm two months in, finally used to resident life, and have more spare time, I think it's the right time to start thinking about getting into a fitness regime. They say it takes a month to make a change, and this month is the perfect time to start.

I had every intention to join the gym this month, I really did. But every time I looked at a gym online, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It brought me back to the last few years where I poured a ton of money into a gym membership and barely went because I was so ashamed of going... While I love gyms and absolutely love a sweaty elliptical workout or a fun zumba session, I'm always scared to go do these things because I feel like a fatass, and I get SO self-conscious. I remember I used to be so into zumba classes back in Pittsburgh, but I stopped going because I got tired of looking at my jiggly self in the mirror while dancing. So at the end, I didn't end up joining a gym because I didn't want to shell out hundreds of dollars when I knew I wouldn't go. I refuse to join the gym near where I live because a bunch of my co-residents go there and that would be even more embarrassing.

So long story short, I've decided to spend at least the first two weeks of this month trying to get my nutrition back on point and start exercising at home. This week, I'm completely focusing on my eating habits. So far, I've succeeding in eating all three meals and snacks at home with no takeout, which is a huge accomplishment in my book because for the past two months, I've been eating takeout most, if not all, days of the week. Today I want to officially start calorie counting and drinking at least 64oz of water a day to decrease my bloat (god I feel so bloated!). I'll let you know my progress, and I have a fitness haul coming up as well, most likely next week when I start exercising. Have a beautiful Wednesday everyone!

Skinny Jeans Challenge!

Happy April everyone! Still so hard to believe that this year is flying by so fast. Before you know it, I'll be starting my new life in New York. Agh, the feels. I had yesterday afternoon off and decided to walk around Kohl's, one of my favorite stores. I was in there for two hours! As you've noticed, I don't really talk about fashion too much on this blog. The main reason for that is my terrible self-esteem around my body. It's no secret that my weight's ballooned up in the past two years due to my binge eating disorder. My fashion sense is totally horrendous and most days I'm in my favorite LC leggings and an oversized top. I barely ever wear jeans anymore because none of them fit anymore -- yes I know really really sad. Last time I was at Kohl's shopping for jeans, I found that I really liked the Lee Jean's Relaxed Fit range. I wanted to pick up another pair of jeans from this line in the "skinny" fit.  I found a dark blue skinny jean that fit perfectly around my legs, but it would not zip up! And I refused to size up from the size 16. I loved the jeans so much that I'm determined to fit in them, hence inspiring this post!

I found this Skinny Jeans challenge on laurenconrad.com that I've been wanting to try for a long time. I figured that my new jeans-struggle would be the perfect opportunity for me to try this challenge and see if it works! It's a 7-day challenge, but I thought I would extend it to 14-days. What it boils down to is eating healthier, drinking more water, and exercising daily. The post on the LC website has a meal plan and the "rules" laid out very clearly. It's a little too intense for someone like me, so I'm going to modify it slightly. Basically here's my version of "the rules":

• Drink 8-10 glasses of water a day
• Eat no more than 1,500 calories per day
• Eat 3 servings of fruit and 3 servings of vegetables per day
• Keep carbohydrates to less than 180g and protein no less than 70g
• Reduce sodium to less than 2,000mg per day
• Exercise 5x a week

Seems fairly straightforward and easy, huh! By far the hardest thing to do (at least for me) is to eat enough protein, not go overboard on the carbs, and keep my sodium in check. The end goal for me is to be able to zip up my new jeans in 2 weeks! I'm hoping that little goals like these are going to help me lose some pounds before starting residency. I'll be weighing in on how I did in two weeks, April 16! :) Also, I ordered some whey protein, which means that I can start doing strength training again. I also ordered Lauren Conrad's "Style" as a pick-me-up, which I cannot wait to read! 

Stretching Routine

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll know that I've struggled with weight for the past year. It hasn't been unintentional weight gain. It's been weight gain from an incredibly unhealthy diet. I'm ashamed to say that I've been eating mainly fried foods and a lot of takeout over the past year. I'm also ashamed to say that food and stress-eating has been my main coping mechanism over the past year. I've tried to go back to eating a healthy diet several times over the past year, but I've relapsed every time. I haven't checked my weight, but I'm sure I've gained at least 20 pounds since last year.

Now that the majority of my medical school duties are over, I'm looking forward to finally shedding the pounds for good. Indiana has a lot of beautiful parks and nature trails. I woke up this morning intending to go for a nature walk to begin my fitness journey, but unfortunately it started pouring as soon as I put my clothes on :( guess I should've looked up the weather before making plans! Hopefully the weather will be clear the rest of the week so I can make it out to the trails.

Because of the rain, I decided to just do some light exercises at the apartment. I love the Fitness Blender videos for at-home workouts! However, I've been sedentary for SO long that the thought of doing a cardio workout was very daunting (hence why I want to start off doing fun, easy nature walks). Browsing through their video library, I stumbled upon a stretching video that I've embedded above. Oh my goodness, it loosened up my muscles soooo much! It hit all of my sore muscle spots and it was only 6 minutes long! I'm really looking forward to doing this multiple times per day, even at my work desk!

I honestly think this video is excellent for all of us girls who haven't exercised in a while, have stiff muscles in the morning, or need a nice warmup before a cardio workout. Also good for those of us who sit at a desk most of the day and don't get much exercise at work. Although this video isn't a calorie scorcher, it's still a good way to get your body prepped for more intense workouts. I can definitely see myself doing this routine in the morning, around noontime, and in the evening to help relax my muscles. I'm also looking forward to drinking more water and eating more calorie-controlled meals. I may even make fruit-infused water while I'm in Indiana for a little extra kick! Expect updates ;)

Words | Happy & Healthy #2

I'm super proud to be bringing this post to you guys this morning!

My last Happy & Healthy Words post was back in January, but things became so busy in the months following that I didn't get a chance to begin my health journey in January like I originally wanted. However, I'm super happy to say that I have been controlling my diet for the past THREE WEEKS and have even begun exercising again!!! Now, I'm not really following a catabolic plan where I'm shedding weight, but I have gotten my eating habits under control -- insanely much better control than where I was earlier this year, which was one of my biggest goals for this year. My diet is incredibly unhealthy and definitely needs a lot of modifications. I've let myself spiral out of control for the past six years to the point where I've gained a LOT of weight which I'm not proud of. So this year, my biggest goal is to be able to eat a normal diet and to lose some of the weight I've accumulated. I'm taking baby steps towards my weight loss goal, starting with regulating my diet.

The biggest thing I'm super proud of is the fact that I'm no longer eating out. No more getting takeout for dinner, eating at the hospital cafeteria during lunch, skipping breakfast, eating tons of salty snacks. That may sound like a fairly easy thing to do, but for someone like me whose not too savvy at cooking and so accustomed to eating take out, it was a huge feat. I'm super happy and feel so accomplished. And honestly, it's so much cheaper and more satisfying to cook meals at home and pack lunches. As a result, my sodium intake has dropped significantly. I feel like I have more energy and just happier. A lot of it has to do with the fact that the guilt of getting takeout is no longer there. Like I said, I feel very accomplished when I cook at home and it's a ton of fun trying out new recipes!

I hear that it takes 21 days to change a habit, and I completely agree with that statement. Now that I've spent 3 weeks eating at home-made meals, I no longer have huge cravings for McDonalds or fried chicken or greasy Chinese food. Of course I still want to eat these things and crave junk food from time to time, but I'm able to control myself a lot more. I allot myself one day (usually on the weekend) when I'm allowed to eat whatever I want. So if I was craving frozen pizza, I'd go ahead and eat a frozen pizza on Saturday night as a cheat meal.

I can't tell you guys how excited I am that I'm finally able to take matters into my hand and control my diet. I feel so much better already after only a few weeks of eating cleaner. I have more energy, I feel happier, I feel lighter and less bloated, and just so accomplished! The next phase of my health plan is to be able to eat a more calorie-controlled diet so I actually begin losing weight. Right now I'm eating about 1500-1800 calories a day but I want to drop it down to 1400 calories and begin exercising. It's the combination of eating fewer calories and exercising that really helps me shed weight. Right now, I'm getting around 50-60% of my calories from carbs. This week, I'm going to start eating a 40-30-30 calorie diet where I'm eating 40% carbs, 30% fat, and 30% protein.  I also have a bunch of other things I want to get improve such as dental hygiene, exercising, etc but I'm taking things slow and one thing at a time to avoid overwhelming myself with all these behavior changes. It's a slow process, but in my mind the more time you devote to changing one thing, the deeper that behavior will be engrained into your routine.

Hope to keep these posts up. I find these kinds of posts to be very positive and motivating and a good way for me to share my experiences and chalk out some plans for the future!

Words | Happy & Healthy #1

For years, I've tried to be the girl that doesn't listen to what other people have to say and just does my own thing. Back in high school, I always let others' comments get to my head and by the time I got to college, I vowed that I would never do that again. But flash forward several years later, I find myself reverting back to the same pattern as in high school. I let what everyone else does or says get to my head.

Take for example, school. I'm in a class with some of the most brilliant students in the country and I definitely do not shine amongst them. As a result, my self-esteem has been very down over the past few years to the point where I've resorted to very very very unhealthy ways of coping with the stress. And therefore, I've gained over 20 pounds in the past 2-3 years.

Am I proud of it? Of course not. I know that I look horrendous in the mirror and it's not even one of those "embrace your body" deals...I'm actually very unfit and unhealthy. I don't have curves, I just have stores of fat everywhere -- my arms, my face, legs, waist, everything. My diet is horrible and consists of fried foods and carbohydrates. And it's gotten to the point where others have noticed too. One of my really good friends nicknamed me "fatty". While I know he doesn't mean to be vicious when he says it, it's quite embarrassing and offensive. And it's not his fault, I know he's trying to encourage me to exercise more since we used to be gym buddies before I lost control of my eating behaviors. Even my family nags me about my weight every single time I go home. My mom also endorses various negative names for my weight include "cow", "fatass", "obese".

I would be lying if I said that these words and labels didn't hurt me. I think it is so incredibly discouraging and rude to call someone by those names, especially when you don't know their full story. Nobody has asked me why I've gained weight or if everything has been okay. They're just quick to label me, judge me, and say I need to change without even knowing my story or offering to help. At the same time, these words also motivate me to work hard and reverse this negative label that has been thwarted on me. Also, continuing on this lifestyle of an unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle will eventually lead to major medical problems for me down the road. I need to start changing now.

So without more moping or going into the details about my recent major weight gain, I just wanted to dedicate this post to the beginning of a long, but hopefully fruitful journey. I've been on the weight-loss bandwagon for several years now and it's a very very challenging thing especially if you have binge eating disorder and a low-functioning thyroid on top of being super extremely busy. I do take thyroid replacement pills, but even then I feel like my metabolism is slower than most people's. I gain weight very fast and my body is very salt- sensitive. I'm one of those people who needs to watch what I eat very carefully and exercise regularly to prevent weight gain. It's not fun and it makes weight loss VERY hard, but I know it's possible.

This week I've tracking my nutritional intake on a regular, but restricted, diet. Here's what I've learned from this week so far:

1. I need to watch my sodium intake
Right now, I'm tracking about 2500-3000mg of sodium a day. Not horrendous but it could be better. My goal for the upcoming week is to eat < 2500mg sodium per day.

2. Less carbs, please!
I think this is the area that needs the most work by far. Right now, I'm tracking about 250g of carbohydrates a day, which calculates to about 60-70% of my caloric intake. That is absolutely horrible. Carbohydrates get converted directly to fat, so it's best to restrict them to < 40% of your caloric intake daily for weight loss. My goal for this week is to start off slow and cut it back to about 180g a day. That should measure out to about 50%. The trick to this is eating more protein. I went to Trader Joe's yesterday and bought several packs of tofu and a pack of chicken, which I'm hoping will boost my protein intake and reduce my carbohydrate consumption.

3. Exercise
I haven't started exercising yet because I've been focusing on my diet, but I'm planning on starting light cardio this upcoming week. I want to start off Monday by doing a stretching routine to rev up my tight muscles. I haven't exercised in a long time, shamefully, so I want to make sure I have my muscles stretched before moving on. Having looser muscles improves my motivation to workout and makes it seem like less of a daunting task.

4. Water
The never ending battle: hydration. My goal for this week is to drink at least 6 cups of water/day.