Hey beautifuls. I wanted to do an update post on how things have been going since starting internship. My last post was quite depressing, but I'm happy to say that the initial shock of starting residency is now fading and I'm really loving it. It's challenging to work 72+ hours a week, but at the end of the day, seeing happy parents and smiling children reminds me why I got into this profession in the first place. Although every single day is grueling and I may not always get the recognition for working so hard, I still love this profession and there's nothing else in the world I would want to do than take care of children. Even though this program may not be all rainbows and sunshines and we have to do more "scut work" than other residency programs, I still really love this hospital and the supporting environment. I'm learning so much and have become SO much more confident in my clinical skills in just a few short weeks.

I'm also happy to say that I'm  finally 95% done unpacking and settling into my new place. I spent a lotttt of time, energy, and money setting up my apartment, but it's finally looking put together and how I want. I love that I have so much space in my new apartment and love the minimalistic decor. The only issue is that my oven is broken, so I'm not able to bake :( and the laundromat situation isn't ideal since there's only one washer that works in our laundry room. Besides that, I really do love Long Island. There's just so much to do around here -- suburban, urban, hipster stuff, artsy stuff, lots of shopping and unique finds, near the beach, near the riverside, etc. Now that I've got my apartment finished, I can focus on exploring the area more on my days off. And getting back on living a healthy lifestyle. My face is currently sitting in the Origins Active Charcoal Mask and it feels so goooooodd, my skin definitely needed it. And I have clinic tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to dressing up and not wearing the same old scrubs that I have been for the past 3 weeks. It feels so unbelievable to say that I've been an intern for 3 weeks now...time has flown by so fast!

Now that I'm settled down and the hurricane of moving in is over, I hope to have a post on my morning and night routines coming up this month, and maybe a haul, apartment decor, meal planning, or organization posts. A budget post will be up probably at the end of next month since my finances this month have been all over the place, but I hope to start watching my expenses tightly in August. I really want to get back to posting 5x a month since I really do love blogging and sharing my experiences with you guys. Anyways, this mask is hurting my face now, so time to wash it off, eat dinner, and go to bed. Till next time loves <3 

Moving to New York and First Day of Internship!

It's been way too long since my last post.
Like really long.

Soooo many things have gone on in just one month. For starters, I moved to New York! The move was okay at first, especially the week I was vacationing here with my parents. But since they left, I've been incredibly lonely. I thought it would be easy and exciting moving to a new place and living on my own, but it really hasn't been all that great so far. The loneliness is just incredibly overwhelming. I have a couple good friends who live in the other boroughs of New York, but they're not close enough to hang out with on a regular basis. I thought I would make friends with my co-residents, but that's proving to be harder than I thought since most of my co-interns are local and have other friends in the area. Not to mention, there's groups of students from a particular medical school, so it was super cliquey even from day one. I really miss my friends and family in Pittsburgh, and have been texting and calling them on a regular basis. In fact, I've called my parents every day since moving and have been texting my friends on and off. I'm having a hard time making friends here and wonder if I'll even make any friends at all.

I'm starting to think that I made a mistake ranking this program so high. To be honest, I was so enamored by the fact that this program was large and located so close to NYC, and was a top 50 children's hospital that I didn't really stop to consider the nitty gritty daily resident life stuff that makes this program not so great. And trust me, there's quite a bit of them. First of all, the system isn't 100% electronic yet, so there are tons of paper notes to organize and write. Second, residents have to do soooo many mundane procedures like blood draws, immunizations, IV placements that it's sort of annoying. Shitty ancillary staff makes residency even harder. Actually it's very annoying going from a hospital system that has great ancillary services to a school that has really terrible ancillary services. Lastly, I feel like nobody is really interested in teaching here. It's just a bunch of scutwork. I overestimated the reputation and quality of this program, and I really think I made a huge, huge mistake. I miss my family and friends so much, and I'm so overwhelmed by how lonely I feel. And it's only day one!

Honestly, I keep kicking myself because I feel like this is all my fault. I keep thinking that if only I had higher board scores, I would've gotten into a better residency program, possibly even at UPMC. I'm so envious of all my medical school friends who got to stay in Pittsburgh. I really thought this move would be exciting and unique, but so far it's just stressful and overwhelming. And really really isolating. I'm hoping that I'm only feeling this way because it's day one. I'm hoping things settle down soon. Maybe after this month is over? I'm already counting down to my vacation weeks in November...and even 3 years from now, when I'm done with this bullshit. I'm honestly so tired of being in school and reinventing the wheel.

I'm hoping that my next post will be perkier! Anyway, it's off to collect my laundry and go to sleep, goodnight beautifuls <3 I might not be able to update this blog as regularly, but hopefully I''ll have a beauty post coming up soon. 

Spring Discoveries ♥

Hey guys! Lonnnng time no talk. I'm finally getting started on packing my things, so things have been quite busy and hectic. I'm pretty much living at my parents house and going to my apartment a couple times each week to move stuff. It's coming along, slowly but surely. I only have my clothes, shoes, and scarves left to pack in my bedroom, sell my furniture, and then clean out the kitchen and bathroom. The thing that took the most energy (and caused alotttt of stress) this month was finalizing my housing arrangement. Long story short, I won't get my permanent apartment until July 1st, so I have to sublet until June 30th. I found a three-week rental on Air B&B in a house really close to the hospital, so I'm excited about that. Only downside is that I have to live with a family, so it's going to be a little different and not as private of an accommodation as I would've preferred. As for my permanent apartment, I managed to score one of the hospital-owned apartments at a really good deal! The rent is only $930/month, and that includes all utilities and is a short 5-minute drive to the hospital. I just have to suffer a bit until July rolls around, but it's going to be worth it!

So now that you know a little bit about this month's struggles, lets talk about some goodies I've been loving these last few months! Most of these are new discoveries I've made over the last two months. Spring has just creeped up and is almost over, so I need to start cherishing it a bit more before the summer officially begins in a few weeks. 

Clinique Even Better Foundation in Cream Caramel -- I bought this foundation over the winter since I needed a full-coverage product. This one is absolutely amazing! It's made with good ingredients, comes at a reasonable price in about 30+ shades, and provides medium-full coverage. It's a very lightweight foundation and has quickly become one of my holy grail products.

Clinique Stay Matte Sheer Pressed Power in Stay Honey -- I bought this powder to go along with my new Clinique foundation. Again, absolutely perfect and I have only good things to say about this product. Plus, look how cute that compact is!

MakeupGeek Eyeshadow in Purely Naked -- Although it looks fairly ordinary and boring in the pan, this eyeshadow is a new favorite everyday eyeshadow color. You can't see it in the photo above, but it has a few specks of glitter and some sheen so it's not a completely matte. It adds a little bit of color and brightness to my lid without looking too shimmery. Great work color!

EOS Lip Balm in Strawberry Sorbet -- I usually hate wearing lip balm. I can never get into my Burt's Bees lip balms no matter how much I try. I purchased this one because, hello it's pink and I love strawberry-scented everything. I can't put this lip balm down! It has a very natural, not-too-sickly sweet scent and leaves my lips extra moisturized. Not to mention, super fun to apply! 

Nivea In-Shower Cocoa Butter Body Lotion -- I never used to be the kind of girl who required daily moisturizing, but I've been noticing that my skin's been more patchy and scaly lately. I still hate moisturizing, so I decided to try this in-shower body lotion. It's pretty good! It definitely doesn't replace the need for a body butter or lotion if you have extra dry skin, but if you just have mildly dry skin like me, it will moisturize and leave your skin feeling smooth. Plus, its light cocoa butter scent is very exhilarating first thing in the morning!

Trim Slant Tip Tweezers -- Chances are that if you read any beauty blog about tweezers, they all talk about the Tweezerman brand, which come at around $25 a pop. Although I've never tried a pair of Tweezerman tweezers, these ones from Trim come for $1.99 at Target and work very well. I've always hated tweezing my brows, but these tweezers pluck hair efficiently and without a lot of pain!

Kirkland Signature Pacific Bold K-Cups -- These babies right here are why I'm considering getting my own Costco membership in my new city. K-Cups are super expensive and before discovering these, I was paying around $11 for a box of 18 K-Cups. Not horrible, but I'd be going to the grocery store every other week and was spending way too much on these, especially since I enjoy about 2 cups of coffee a day. I found these on sale at Costco last time I went, and I'm in love. I love me a strong, bold cup of coffee that doesn't taste like burnt -- these are perfect! They compare to the Starbucks medium roast coffee in my opinion and the Donut Shop Extra Bold Medium-Roast K-Cups that I used to love before these. They cost $37 for 100 cups which is a steal. Definitely try if you're a bold coffee lover like me!

The Good Table Parmesan and Herb Sauce and Crust Mix for Chicken -- I have so many food favorites this spring that I should do a separate blog post about all them. This one, however, stood out amongst them all. I love making chicken parmesan, but hate having to buy a big thing of breadcrumbs and parmesan cheese, only to throw them because I can't use the whole thing before the expiration date. This baby just changed my whole chicken parm game! This package allows me to make a delicious baked chicken parmesan in less than 30 minutes! And it's relatively low in the fat and sodium department since you can control how much sauce, crust mix, and cheese you put on each chicken breast. Definitely a must have for busy gals out there!

Skinny Jeans Challenge: Results

Good (Sunday) morning everybody! I wanted to update y'all on my skinny jeans challenge results. Overall, I'd say that it was a successful three weeks! Definitely not perfect, but a great start towards adopting healthy lifestyle measures. By the end of even the first week, my skinny jeans fit! I'm super happy that I lost enough weight/water weight to fit into the jeans I bought, but I think there is definitely room for improvement. Let me go over how things went week to week. In case you didn't read my initial post, my goal was to make a series of lifestyle changes to help me fit into the pair of Lee's skinny jeans I bought at Kohl's. These included eating no more than 1500 calories/day, eating less than 2,000mg of sodium per day, balancing carbs/fats/protein intake each day, drinking 8 glasses of water per day, and exercising 5x/week. Yes I know, that's a lottt of stuff to change in just a few weeks! By no means did I expect to follow all of these "rules" to a T, I think I managed to do a decent job and stuck very close to these parameters.

Week 1
So the first week was great, as it always is. I managed to eat within 1500 calories each day, ate a balanced fat/carbs/protein diet, drank around 6 cups of water each day, and exercised 4 times during the week. My sodium was a tad higher than what I wanted, going upwards of about 2,300mg on a couple days. However, I was really happy that I was able to meet my other numbers really closely. By the end of the week, I was able to zip and button the jeans I had bought from Kohl's, which I wasn't able to do just a week prior! Not only did the jeans fit, but I also noticed that eating healthier, drinking more water, and exercising definitely boosted my energy significantly. I realized that I didn't need coffee first thing in the morning and that I was able to concentrate in class without it. Drinking water is something that reaaaaallly helps, especially if you have a lot of bloat like me. Even if you have a hard time following a strict diet, drinking at least 6 cups of water a day helps reduce some of that water weight, makes you less bloated, which just makes you feel a lot lighter and "skinnier".

Week 2
Alright so the second week is always the hardest. My first week was excellent, but my cheat day was Sunday of that week. I'm a firm believer that every dieter should have a cheat day that they can eat anything they want, just so that they don't jump off the healthy lifestyle bandwagon because they feel deprived. However, the biggest problem with cheat days is that it can be really really hard to go back to eating healthy again the next day. That's what happened this week. Although I was eating relatively well and didn't have any binge eating episodes, I did not exercise at all this week. My salt intake went a little higher than usual and I found myself making excuses to abandon my diet and just "eat those fries" even though they were covered in fat and salt. Not good! I was having some relationship issues, but that doesn't excuse my diet derailing. Overall though, I managed to keep my intake at 1,500 calories on 4/7 days this week, and ended up cheating on 3 of the days.

Week 3
Ultimately, you have to realize that part of adopting a healthy lifestyle is to accept the mistakes, learn from them, move on, and try to avoid them in the future. Although I might have messed up my diet last week, I shook it off and started fresh this past Sunday. I went back and reviewed where I went wrong and tried to stay clear of them this week. And I'm doing pretty well! I've exercised 4x already this week (going to be 5 this afternoon) and my diet is again calorie and sodium controlled. As far as weight loss, I don't know exactly how much I've lost since I don't like weighing myself. I can tell that I have lost some weight based on how my clothes fit -- the skinny jeans fit, my other jeans seem a bit looser, and my face seems less full. However, the benefits I get from a higher self-confidence, stamina, and energy are invaluable. I feel so much lighter, healthier, and happier when I do eat healthy and exercise. I've found that I really enjoy cooking and coming up with healthy meals to make for myself. As silly as it sounds, it combines my love of cooking and shopping, and I find it fun instead of draining. Pinterest has been a great source for quick recipes, and I may do a post on that soon!

The Low-Down on Food
I wanted to write a bit more about what I've been eating on my diet. I've been tracking all of my food intake on the MyFitnessPal app. I love that thing! For my main meals, I have been making them all at home. Although I'm able to cook more right now because I have more free time, I realized that taking one day during the weekend or week to make big batches of breakfast and dinner for the week really helps. For example, last Sunday I made my own healthy breakfast sandwiches for the entire week. For dinner, I've found a ton of great healthy recipes on Pinterest. Some of my favorite discoveries have been oven-baked chicken fajitas, baked chicken parmesan, and coconut curry chicken. For lunch, I usually just reheat and eat a serving of these dinners I made these all from scratch so I could control how much sodium, fat, and carb goes into each dish. Honestly, I found that even though most of these dishes only had 300-400mg of sodium per serving and lots of protein with little fat and carbs, they were still heavy on the flavor! Cooking at home has saved me so much money and helped me discover a new hobby! It's definitely healthier than take-out or frozen dinners. However, I know that things can really get busy sometimes, leaving you with no time to cook. For those days, I love keeping some "back-up meals" in the freezer and pantry. This requires some time hunting for healthy options at the grocery store, since a lot of boxed and frozen dinners contain tons and tons of salt and fat. Right now, my favorite backup meal is the Trader Joe's Shittake Mushroom and Chicken. It's a frozen chicken dish that only takes roughly 10-15 mins to cook, but it's healthy, especially when paired with brown rice, and the sauce comes on the side. I only use half the sauce packet and find that it's still very flavorful at only 400mg sodium  and 20g protein per serving. Another favorite pantry item is Annie's Macaroni and Cheese with Trader Joe's Turkey Meatballs. Although it's slightly higher on the sodium, it's a great comfort food and still relatively nutritionally balanced. I also love reheating chicken nuggets when I'm in a rush, and the Trader Joe's Chicken Drummelas are the healthiest nuggets I have found on the market -- 4 nuggets carry 15g of protein with only 240mg of sodium. I love pairing these up with some Alexia Sweet Potato Fries. If you do have a busy lifestyle and can't always cook at home, I encourage you to see if there is a Trader Joe's in your neighborhood and if there is, check out their frozen aisle. They have the best frozen foods section by far at very affordable prices! They even have recipe ideas on each label at the store, if you need a little bit more inspiration :)

Snacking is something that I'm very guilty of and has been the death of diets in the past. So I knew I had to spend some time at the grocery store finding good snacking alternatives. I'm veeery picky when it comes to snacks too! I have a huge salt tooth, so I love salty and crunchy snacks. One of my faaaaavorites has been the Brown Rice Triscuits with Sea Salt and Cracked Pepper -- I featured these in my last monthly favorites. They taste soooo good by themselves but go great with cheddar cheese or hummus on top too. The Tostitos Oven Baked Scoops satisfy my chip craving without adding a ton of calories, fat, or salt. Lastly, my recent discovery has been the Trader Joe's Reduced Guilt Air-Popped Popcorn that has very little butter and salt, but still packs a ton of crunch and flavor. This is my favorite late-night snack since I can eat a ton of these for very little calories. I also made sure to eat one serving of fruit and one greek yogurt every single day as a snack. I stay away from nuts because they just don't fill me up and are high on the fat and calories.

Lastly, water intake is something that I've found to be very important. Like I mentioned above, it reduces all that bloat and if you do go a little high on sodium one day, drinking water helps flush it out. I used to haaaate drinking water, but I keep one of those tumblers around me when I'm home and sip on it throughout the day. I try to drink two tumbler-fulls for a total of 6 glasses per day. Or, if I know I'm going to be out in class or something all day, I carry around a 33oz plastic water bottle that gives me 4 glasses of water per bottle. I find that having larger bottles of water help because you don't have to refill them as much. Another thing I've been wanting to try is fruit-infused waters, which I hear is another trick to help fulfill your daily water requirements.

The Low-Down on Exercise

Exercise is something that I've always hated. The thought of driving to the gym, spending 30 minutes huffing and puffing, and the thought of more fit gym-goers judging you always drove me to skip the gym and just sit at home watching Netflix. So yes, I know how hard it can be going to the gym when you're overweight like I am. However, realize that everyone who is at the gym is there for a reason -- to make themselves feel and look better. Some people want to gain muscle, others want to lose weight. There is nothing wrong with you being at the gym -- in fact it shows your motivation and dedication! Plus, there is always one other overweight person at the gym, so you're never alone. I've found that exercise has soooo many other health benefits than just helping you lose weight. Even though I've only been exercising for 2 weeks now, I feel like I have more stamina, more energy, and just a more positive attitude. I try to do cardio 3-4x/week for 30 minutes each -- mainly the elliptical, but sometimes a high incline walk on the treadmill or a YouTube cardio workout. And then 1-2x/week, I do a body-toning workout, usually one I found on Youtube. I've been loving Ellen Barrett's Burn & Firm Pilates, but there's countless other ones. Fitness Blender have over 500 videos of different lengths, target areas, and levels, so if you're bored of your current routine, check out their page! Oh, and if you do miss a day (or hell, even a week) of workout, don't beat yourself up for it. Instead, get back to it on the next day and try to stick to a routine. You are your only judge.

I hope that post was useful! I'm hoping to continue this journey for the next few weeks. I will definitely update this blog on my I progress since the middle weeks of a diet are often tough and where many people go back to their bad eating habits. But I hope everyone has a wonderful, happy weekend!

Ulta Haul ♥

Hey everyone, hope you are all having an excellent weekend. I, for one, have had a pretty lousy weekend :( Lots of shitty stuff happened, and I just felt like de-stressing and writing a bit on this beautiful Sunday. The sunshine outside has honestly been my saving grace today! Given my crappy weekend, I decided to go ahead and do some stress-shopping at Ulta this afternoon. I was actually quite proud of myself for behaving and not getting every little thing I eyed. I also spent $62 at Sephora last weekend on a YSL lipstick and eye cream (post soon...maybe?) so I had a bit of a tighter budget. I also had a few Ulta coupons and some of the products above were on sale, which brought my total down to $30 for all these goodies!

A good chunk of this haul was actually skincare items. Especially, moisturizers. I've never had issues with dry skin, but my skin's been scaly and patchy over the past few weeks and in desperate need of some moisturizing. I absolutely hateeeee applying body lotion because it leaves my hands so greasy and yucky, so I decided to try out the Nivea Cocoa Butter In-Shower Body Lotion. I'm hoping it really does work and hydrates my scaly skin! I also needed some more hand cream for my backpack, so I picked up the Pacifica Malibu Lemon Blossom Hand Cream. It's thick and moisturizing like my favorite Body Shop hand lotions, at a reasonable price of $9, and smells soooooo yummy and perfect for the spring season. Plus, how cute is the tube? Lastly in the moisturizing department, I got the cult classic EOS Smooth Sphere Lip Balm in Strawberry Sorbet. Let's be honest, I'm a sucker for anything packaged in pink, and I love strawberry-scented things. I've gotten sick of my Burt's Bees lip balm and so decided it was time to finally invest in this baby. I tried it in the car and it smells sooooo good, exactly like a strawberry milkshake. This is one lip balm I'm sure to be sporting all spring and summer.

I also picked up a few other bits and bobs. I needed an eye makeup remover, but they were all out of my usual Neutrogena Eye Makeup Remover. However, the Simple Cleansing Micellar Water was on sale and I decided to give it a go because of all the rave and hype I've heard about this product on Youtube and beauty blogs. I also got a pack of my favorite Ulta Premium Round Cotton Pads to use the micellar water with. I normally just clean my skin with Simple Makeup Wipes at night, but I wanted to get something that cleaned my skin deeper. I don't like using my St. Ives Green Tea Scrub more than once a day, since it is quite exfoliating and you generally shouldn't use a scrub more than once a day if that. Since the Simple wipes do a  good job at taking off my makeup and don't break me out, I'm hoping that the Simple Cleansing Micellar Water will work with my skin. Lastly, I got some makeup products to try out. The NYX Cosmetics Glitter Primer is something I've had my eye on for a while. I own a ton of glittery pressed eyeshadows, but I hate that they never stick on eyelids and fall out over the course of the day. That includes my L'Oreal Infallible Eyeshadows. So I'm hoping that this glitter primer is tacky enough to keep those types of shadows on all day with minimal fallout. And lastly, I've been obsessed with wearing smudged brown eyeliner on a lazy makeup day. I love the NYX retractable eyeliners so I decided to pick up the NYX Cosmetics Retractable Eyeliner in Bronze, which is a beautiful bronzy color with a ton of sparkle. It looks like it would be perfect for everyday looks.

There you go, my stress-shopping Ulta haul. I'll have my updates from the Skinny Jeans challenge sometime this week or next week. It was a bit crazy last week, which is why I have to wait another week before posting the results. They will be up soon I promise :) Have a wonderful rest of the weekend!

Reflections: When Friends Betray

I really wanted to sit down and write today. April has not been a good month so far. I've been dealing with a lot of stress and a series of bad things after bad things. Today was one of those days. I got deeply hurt by someone I considered to be a good friend. I have not been hurt this much since the end of my freshman year in college, when I heard that my roommate had been talking shit about me behind my back. That was a really rough time for me and sparked my depression back in sophomore year of college. This time, someone who I considered to be one of my good friends in medical school really, really hurt me deeply. I don't want to give someone like her more attention than they deserve on this blog, but suffice it to say that this girl really hurt me and made a mockery out of our friendship. In class today, she invited all of our good friends and acquaintances to wine night, and was eagerly talking about who else to invite with another girl. I was sitting right next to her and never received an invitation whilst they were talking about how half the class was going. Hell, she even invited my roommate and one of my best friends right in front of me, and never mentioned one word to me. And to top things off, she had the audacity to ask me to dinner at Whole Foods. What a fucking bitch.

I've come to learn that you have to forgive these sorts of things in life, and then move on from them. Even though she will still remain a friend, the level of trust, respect, and confidence I had in this person just shattered completely. I've been reading Maria Menounos's "EveryGirl's Guide to Life" book, and one of the things she talks about having a "Sunshine Committee" full of people who support you and encourage you positively, while avoiding vampires who drain your energy and emotions. I can definitely relate to that, and while I may not have a "Girl Squad" or that indispensable group of best friends, I'm very grateful to have a few cherished friends who have stuck with me over the years, respect me, and love me the way I am.

This incident made me reflect on my coping mechanisms. In the past, I would've immediately gone to the closest fast food chain and ordered a 3,000 calorie meal. Binge eating disorder really sucks, hah. I took a step back today and told myself I would not do that. I went to the gym this morning, and it would really suck to undo all that work. Even if I hadn't exercised, I still want to develop healthier coping mechanisms instead of binge eating every time I'm stressed. Instead of eating my feelings, I decided to decompress a little. I browsed the Internet, searching for articles on reacting to friends and loved ones who hurt you. Sure, I cried. I'm very emotional and try my best to be a good soul, and when someone breaks my trust and betrays me, I naturally get very upset. I then proceeded to make myself some comfort food that was within 500 calories -- I opted for one of my favorites, the Annie's Shells & Aged Cheese. Salty, but not too high in calories and fat. I then texted one of my best friends, who is incredibly kind, and set up a weekend lunch date with her. Hell, I even texted my friend and planned a trip to DC with her to see some of my other college friends. Surrounding yourself with positive people is very, very important when you're depressed. Another thing that helps me is writing. I'm not the best writer, but since I'm not a confrontational person and often avoid relaying my feelings to other people, blogging is a safe place where I can project my feelings without any repercussions. After I write, I may brew myself a cup of tea, take a hot shower, watch some Netflix, or drive somewhere. Shopping is a great remedy too, but not for a tight-budgeted girl like me! In the end, you have to remember that you have to forgive yourself and your friend, because that's the only way to move on. Life is a series of valuable lessons learned and how you react to tough situations. Everyone has been let down by friends before. I don't believe in keeping negative people in your life, but at the same time I don't think it's wise to build a wall around yourself and kick everyone out the second they jump the line.

Like I said, she will always be my friend that I will hangout with, write cards to, and heck maybe even visit sometime during residency. However, she will no longer be considered one of my good friends or trustworthy friends. Never again will I text her when I want to vent. Never again will I tell her intimate details about sensitive stuff in my life, like dating, my family, my health, etc. One rule I've come to learn is true is that people who talk smack on other people and friends in front of you definitely talk smack about you with other people. This girl definitely has talked shit about me behind my back, just like my college roommate did, which very very hurtful. Just like Maria's Sunshine Committee, I too have a set of wonderful best friends, family members, and colleagues who have been with me through thick and thin and continue to positively encourage me in their own way. It's important to stay close to these people and keep people who have hurt you at a safe distance. Is this going to change the way I interact with other friends and people? Of course not. I treat people the way I want to be treated and if other people cannot respect that, it's fine. The most important thing is to love yourself no matter what. Self-esteem is something nobody has the right to take away from you. I've learned over the last 25 years of my life that people don't define you. You define you. Don't let shit like this bring you down. It's not worth it. 

Skinny Jeans Challenge!

Happy April everyone! Still so hard to believe that this year is flying by so fast. Before you know it, I'll be starting my new life in New York. Agh, the feels. I had yesterday afternoon off and decided to walk around Kohl's, one of my favorite stores. I was in there for two hours! As you've noticed, I don't really talk about fashion too much on this blog. The main reason for that is my terrible self-esteem around my body. It's no secret that my weight's ballooned up in the past two years due to my binge eating disorder. My fashion sense is totally horrendous and most days I'm in my favorite LC leggings and an oversized top. I barely ever wear jeans anymore because none of them fit anymore -- yes I know really really sad. Last time I was at Kohl's shopping for jeans, I found that I really liked the Lee Jean's Relaxed Fit range. I wanted to pick up another pair of jeans from this line in the "skinny" fit.  I found a dark blue skinny jean that fit perfectly around my legs, but it would not zip up! And I refused to size up from the size 16. I loved the jeans so much that I'm determined to fit in them, hence inspiring this post!

I found this Skinny Jeans challenge on laurenconrad.com that I've been wanting to try for a long time. I figured that my new jeans-struggle would be the perfect opportunity for me to try this challenge and see if it works! It's a 7-day challenge, but I thought I would extend it to 14-days. What it boils down to is eating healthier, drinking more water, and exercising daily. The post on the LC website has a meal plan and the "rules" laid out very clearly. It's a little too intense for someone like me, so I'm going to modify it slightly. Basically here's my version of "the rules":

• Drink 8-10 glasses of water a day
• Eat no more than 1,500 calories per day
• Eat 3 servings of fruit and 3 servings of vegetables per day
• Keep carbohydrates to less than 180g and protein no less than 70g
• Reduce sodium to less than 2,000mg per day
• Exercise 5x a week

Seems fairly straightforward and easy, huh! By far the hardest thing to do (at least for me) is to eat enough protein, not go overboard on the carbs, and keep my sodium in check. The end goal for me is to be able to zip up my new jeans in 2 weeks! I'm hoping that little goals like these are going to help me lose some pounds before starting residency. I'll be weighing in on how I did in two weeks, April 16! :) Also, I ordered some whey protein, which means that I can start doing strength training again. I also ordered Lauren Conrad's "Style" as a pick-me-up, which I cannot wait to read!