Words | Happy & Healthy #1

For years, I've tried to be the girl that doesn't listen to what other people have to say and just does my own thing. Back in high school, I always let others' comments get to my head and by the time I got to college, I vowed that I would never do that again. But flash forward several years later, I find myself reverting back to the same pattern as in high school. I let what everyone else does or says get to my head.

Take for example, school. I'm in a class with some of the most brilliant students in the country and I definitely do not shine amongst them. As a result, my self-esteem has been very down over the past few years to the point where I've resorted to very very very unhealthy ways of coping with the stress. And therefore, I've gained over 20 pounds in the past 2-3 years.

Am I proud of it? Of course not. I know that I look horrendous in the mirror and it's not even one of those "embrace your body" deals...I'm actually very unfit and unhealthy. I don't have curves, I just have stores of fat everywhere -- my arms, my face, legs, waist, everything. My diet is horrible and consists of fried foods and carbohydrates. And it's gotten to the point where others have noticed too. One of my really good friends nicknamed me "fatty". While I know he doesn't mean to be vicious when he says it, it's quite embarrassing and offensive. And it's not his fault, I know he's trying to encourage me to exercise more since we used to be gym buddies before I lost control of my eating behaviors. Even my family nags me about my weight every single time I go home. My mom also endorses various negative names for my weight include "cow", "fatass", "obese".

I would be lying if I said that these words and labels didn't hurt me. I think it is so incredibly discouraging and rude to call someone by those names, especially when you don't know their full story. Nobody has asked me why I've gained weight or if everything has been okay. They're just quick to label me, judge me, and say I need to change without even knowing my story or offering to help. At the same time, these words also motivate me to work hard and reverse this negative label that has been thwarted on me. Also, continuing on this lifestyle of an unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle will eventually lead to major medical problems for me down the road. I need to start changing now.

So without more moping or going into the details about my recent major weight gain, I just wanted to dedicate this post to the beginning of a long, but hopefully fruitful journey. I've been on the weight-loss bandwagon for several years now and it's a very very challenging thing especially if you have binge eating disorder and a low-functioning thyroid on top of being super extremely busy. I do take thyroid replacement pills, but even then I feel like my metabolism is slower than most people's. I gain weight very fast and my body is very salt- sensitive. I'm one of those people who needs to watch what I eat very carefully and exercise regularly to prevent weight gain. It's not fun and it makes weight loss VERY hard, but I know it's possible.

This week I've tracking my nutritional intake on a regular, but restricted, diet. Here's what I've learned from this week so far:

1. I need to watch my sodium intake
Right now, I'm tracking about 2500-3000mg of sodium a day. Not horrendous but it could be better. My goal for the upcoming week is to eat < 2500mg sodium per day.

2. Less carbs, please!
I think this is the area that needs the most work by far. Right now, I'm tracking about 250g of carbohydrates a day, which calculates to about 60-70% of my caloric intake. That is absolutely horrible. Carbohydrates get converted directly to fat, so it's best to restrict them to < 40% of your caloric intake daily for weight loss. My goal for this week is to start off slow and cut it back to about 180g a day. That should measure out to about 50%. The trick to this is eating more protein. I went to Trader Joe's yesterday and bought several packs of tofu and a pack of chicken, which I'm hoping will boost my protein intake and reduce my carbohydrate consumption.

3. Exercise
I haven't started exercising yet because I've been focusing on my diet, but I'm planning on starting light cardio this upcoming week. I want to start off Monday by doing a stretching routine to rev up my tight muscles. I haven't exercised in a long time, shamefully, so I want to make sure I have my muscles stretched before moving on. Having looser muscles improves my motivation to workout and makes it seem like less of a daunting task.

4. Water
The never ending battle: hydration. My goal for this week is to drink at least 6 cups of water/day.