It's been way too long since my last post.
Like really long.
Soooo many things have gone on in just one month. For starters, I moved to New York! The move was okay at first, especially the week I was vacationing here with my parents. But since they left, I've been incredibly lonely. I thought it would be easy and exciting moving to a new place and living on my own, but it really hasn't been all that great so far. The loneliness is just incredibly overwhelming. I have a couple good friends who live in the other boroughs of New York, but they're not close enough to hang out with on a regular basis. I thought I would make friends with my co-residents, but that's proving to be harder than I thought since most of my co-interns are local and have other friends in the area. Not to mention, there's groups of students from a particular medical school, so it was super cliquey even from day one. I really miss my friends and family in Pittsburgh, and have been texting and calling them on a regular basis. In fact, I've called my parents every day since moving and have been texting my friends on and off. I'm having a hard time making friends here and wonder if I'll even make any friends at all.
I'm starting to think that I made a mistake ranking this program so high. To be honest, I was so enamored by the fact that this program was large and located so close to NYC, and was a top 50 children's hospital that I didn't really stop to consider the nitty gritty daily resident life stuff that makes this program not so great. And trust me, there's quite a bit of them. First of all, the system isn't 100% electronic yet, so there are tons of paper notes to organize and write. Second, residents have to do soooo many mundane procedures like blood draws, immunizations, IV placements that it's sort of annoying. Shitty ancillary staff makes residency even harder. Actually it's very annoying going from a hospital system that has great ancillary services to a school that has really terrible ancillary services. Lastly, I feel like nobody is really interested in teaching here. It's just a bunch of scutwork. I overestimated the reputation and quality of this program, and I really think I made a huge, huge mistake. I miss my family and friends so much, and I'm so overwhelmed by how lonely I feel. And it's only day one!
Honestly, I keep kicking myself because I feel like this is all my fault. I keep thinking that if only I had higher board scores, I would've gotten into a better residency program, possibly even at UPMC. I'm so envious of all my medical school friends who got to stay in Pittsburgh. I really thought this move would be exciting and unique, but so far it's just stressful and overwhelming. And really really isolating. I'm hoping that I'm only feeling this way because it's day one. I'm hoping things settle down soon. Maybe after this month is over? I'm already counting down to my vacation weeks in November...and even 3 years from now, when I'm done with this bullshit. I'm honestly so tired of being in school and reinventing the wheel.
I'm hoping that my next post will be perkier! Anyway, it's off to collect my laundry and go to sleep, goodnight beautifuls <3 I might not be able to update this blog as regularly, but hopefully I''ll have a beauty post coming up soon.
Like really long.
Soooo many things have gone on in just one month. For starters, I moved to New York! The move was okay at first, especially the week I was vacationing here with my parents. But since they left, I've been incredibly lonely. I thought it would be easy and exciting moving to a new place and living on my own, but it really hasn't been all that great so far. The loneliness is just incredibly overwhelming. I have a couple good friends who live in the other boroughs of New York, but they're not close enough to hang out with on a regular basis. I thought I would make friends with my co-residents, but that's proving to be harder than I thought since most of my co-interns are local and have other friends in the area. Not to mention, there's groups of students from a particular medical school, so it was super cliquey even from day one. I really miss my friends and family in Pittsburgh, and have been texting and calling them on a regular basis. In fact, I've called my parents every day since moving and have been texting my friends on and off. I'm having a hard time making friends here and wonder if I'll even make any friends at all.
I'm starting to think that I made a mistake ranking this program so high. To be honest, I was so enamored by the fact that this program was large and located so close to NYC, and was a top 50 children's hospital that I didn't really stop to consider the nitty gritty daily resident life stuff that makes this program not so great. And trust me, there's quite a bit of them. First of all, the system isn't 100% electronic yet, so there are tons of paper notes to organize and write. Second, residents have to do soooo many mundane procedures like blood draws, immunizations, IV placements that it's sort of annoying. Shitty ancillary staff makes residency even harder. Actually it's very annoying going from a hospital system that has great ancillary services to a school that has really terrible ancillary services. Lastly, I feel like nobody is really interested in teaching here. It's just a bunch of scutwork. I overestimated the reputation and quality of this program, and I really think I made a huge, huge mistake. I miss my family and friends so much, and I'm so overwhelmed by how lonely I feel. And it's only day one!
Honestly, I keep kicking myself because I feel like this is all my fault. I keep thinking that if only I had higher board scores, I would've gotten into a better residency program, possibly even at UPMC. I'm so envious of all my medical school friends who got to stay in Pittsburgh. I really thought this move would be exciting and unique, but so far it's just stressful and overwhelming. And really really isolating. I'm hoping that I'm only feeling this way because it's day one. I'm hoping things settle down soon. Maybe after this month is over? I'm already counting down to my vacation weeks in November...and even 3 years from now, when I'm done with this bullshit. I'm honestly so tired of being in school and reinventing the wheel.
I'm hoping that my next post will be perkier! Anyway, it's off to collect my laundry and go to sleep, goodnight beautifuls <3 I might not be able to update this blog as regularly, but hopefully I''ll have a beauty post coming up soon.
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